There’s a certain inherent beauty in mistakes. I had asked a small favour of her; upon which she delivered with a disturbing level of enthusiasm. Disturbing because I had asked her so casually and admittedly in bad faith – I hadn’t expected her to agree to the request, never mind deliver on it. To be honest I was just keeping the conversation going. Online chats with someone you hardly know can dry up very quickly. There are only so many ways to ask and answer the how-are-you’s and the how-was-your-day’s before it all starts becoming a chore.
So my trick is to ask something of my keypad-pal that is sure to raise an eyebrow. A sort of shock treatment. This usually carries the conversation for a week or two and builds a rapport between us. But it’s another thing altogether when this request does not shock but is taken seriously. When she acceded to my demand, I had thought that maybe she was of the school of thought that holds that the best way to ridicule something is to take it seriously. But then it got too serious. At some point it seemed as if we were caught up in a game of chicken. Who was going to blink first? I subtly begged and offered her plenty of opportunities to renege on her promise, but she remained steadfast.
“I knew you were joking 😔” I would text her, my plea disguised as disappointment.
“Nah don’t worry, I’m on it as we speak.” She dismissed me and I panicked. I had no plan nor idea on what is to be done should she deliver on her promise. As time and our now more curious, more daring conversations went by, my panic did not cease – it was clear that it was going to happen despite my desire that it doesn’t. I tried to prepare for the post-apocalyptic period. Would our relationship be forever coloured by my clumsy request and her brazen act? I could not conjure up the words that would make up our conversations after this climax we were building up towards had elapsed. It was as if we’d come crashing down once we reached the pinnacle or, worse, we’d have to drag ourselves down from the high. I connected with Adam; if the biblical myth holds – I understood how he felt a split second before he launched his teeth into that apple.
It happened. Not unexpectedly – she had texted me the previous day to tell me it was all systems go. I didn’t respond and we left it hanging. I had hoped it was her final bluff and I needn’t push her any further. To her it seemed she was giving me time to either brace myself or pull out. No one blinked. Then, as promised, she delivered. This was it. I was baffled. As I was still trying, with no hope of success, to wrap my head around it I saw that she was typing. I was afraid she was go try drag us down the hill and ask the difficult “what do you think” question. I had to act. To cut it off. I preferred the crash. So I went for the crass and curt “dankie darkie.” Except that, thanks to either my mistake or autocorrect, what went to her was the loving “dankie darlie“. She replied with a 😍.
We were definitely not crashing down, nor did it feel like being dragged down. Rather we were cruising, riding the high as it were. It felt…mellow. Like the effect of good wine coursing through your veins. It felt right. To call her “darling”. It wasright. The conversation went on ‘til the wee hours of the morning on that mellow tip. Her brazen act had pierced through all forms of pretence and torn them asunder. We discovered new intersections and bypasses on the libidinal grid once the toll gates of appropriateness were trespassed. It was a very strong feeling that came running in once we opened up our hearts. All because of a typo.
Open up your heart.
Let love come running in, darlin‘,
Love, sweet love, darlin‘.
Mellow mood has got me, darlin‘
It would be foolhardy to credit all this to her brazen act. Actions do not determine the course of events; reactions do. Had the typo been spotted before I clicked send, had I crossed the t’s and dotted the i’s, things would not have turned out as they did. She would have been that crazy chick from Facebook. A mere episode in my life. Alas, she became my life!
A typical typo, an insignificant mistake, a forgivable faux pas, was the genesis of our life.
I’m wont to expressing desires I do not have as a cover for ones I have. I have a knack for asking for things I do not want. I’m a perennial emotional prankster of sorts. I dared her to love me. She called my bluff – and this is what coloured our relationship; her calling my bluff. For five blissful years she called my bluff at every turn. “Loving you is an adventure I’m afraid I’ll run out of energy for,” she quipped once. “I can’t live without you,” I retorted. As she lies here; beautiful, peaceful, her life energy all spent – I cannot but feel that she is calling my bluff, justifying her caveat.
As I try to cross the t’s and dot the i’s of her life, my life and our love, I find that it was all a beautiful mistake. This makes me happy. As did everything else about her.She brought tremendous joy to my life. It is therefore meet that it ends as it started – no typos this time though: “dankie darlie😘”
May death finally find joy in her.